Please,sister,do not lecture me that i am giving awful advice when 90% of women in general and of Muslim women in particular sit in womens' gatherings and bad-mouth either their husbands or men in general.I am simply asking brothers,in todays' screwed up and two-faced world,is this: is dropping your guard for sex and companionship and family really worth high price if she decides to betray and hurt you????????
Am i against women or the family structure? NO! But hear me on this:i will never again trust my brothers at the Masjid telling me that 'a sister will never you hanging, especially if she has a child with you'.
How can a man think of sex as a pure thing when you come home and find her in your own home and bed with another man??????? An experience like this tends to make you think: why do i want to please the flesh for a short while when I can please my soul with constant prayer, whose effects last longer than a primitive and disgusting physical act???????
Unfortunately,most people can't see beyond the flesh and like to say that I am outside the fold of Al-Islam or outright have declared me to be takfiri.........i am neither.
But again, consider that in the works of Al-Ghazali, there is a quote that generally says: It is better to be in the company of loneliness than to constantly bear the unsatisfied complaints of a woman.
In short,marriage is in reality a success with only a very small percentage of people. There are a lot of brothers out there who are either too afraid,ashamed,or intimidated to admit that they feel the same way I do because of crushing peer pressure & because of the ever increasing 'stiff-necked' atmospheres' that are crippling our communities these days.
I learned my lesson after 1 failed marriage that it is better to quit than to keep trying over and over and over with the same disastrous results. It takes a brave man to admit that he can put a cap on his physical desires, but it is a fool who keeps jumping into the fires of desire, thinking that everything will be alright by trying 'one more time'.
Subhanallah to those who have successful marriages; but I think brothers who just simply are not meant to have the pleasures of this life need to learn to dedicate themselves to duty and other things rather than trying to blindly follow the advice and peer pressure of those who keep saying YOU HAVE TO MARRY!YOU HAVE TO MARRY!.
May 09, 2008 Rating
Marriage is not like that by: Anonymous
Salams brother,
I am sorry to hear that your marriage started and ended badly, but astaghfirullah the advice you are giving other brothers is awful.
How can you say that something that Allah swt has given us as a gift in order to fulfil our desires in a safe manner and feel comforted, emotionally and physically, is something that should be kept away from.
Yes, I understand that marriage is difficult, nobody denies that, and I am sorry that your wife treated you in such a bad manner but to turn around and drive others away from what is encouraged by Allah swt and the Prophet saas is wrong.
Secondly, not all women are like your wife. I, being a woman, do not maintain criteria such as he must earn £50k a year or over, or that he must be a doctor, lawyer etc. We are not all that superficial and materialistic. So enough is enough. While once again, I am extremely sorry that you feel as you do about your ex-wife and marriage, do not spread your bitterness to other who may wish to partake in what Allah swt has made halal for us. Especially as for many, marriage only serves to strengthen Iman.
I pray that you find happiness in this world and the next. Ameen
