Second Marriage is Better Than Celibacy

by Ali
(Pakistan)

To Brother of Darkness:

I appreciate your courage of express your different opinion. I am also sympathetic to you for your bad marriage experience. But there are many points to be discussed in detail.

Your Criteria for a Successful Marriage

$50000.00 a Year

You claim that unless you make $50000.00 a year, you can’t keep your wife safe and happy and can’t support the family. I don’t think that even in the USA you need so much money to live a happy married life. Secondly, have you stats that all men earning so much money are living a happy married life?

Professional Career

Then you claim that unless you are a doctor or a lawyer or enjoying a professional career, you can’t satisfy your wife. Again my question is, whether all lawyers, engineers and people in professional career are enjoying a happy married life? Secondly, does ever other person who is not in professional career is living a bad married life? Definitely, the answer for the both questions would be in negative.

It is true that money is reality of the day. You need sufficient money to survive. When you have a family, you definitely need more money. But that does not conclude that you can’t live a happy married life without big money or a successful professional career. It simply means that you need to work mart to improve your financial position.

Valima

Valima is sunnah of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). But that does not necessarily to be lavish. There is a Hadith that once a companion of Muhammad (PBUH) came to the Prophet and told that he had had married such and such girl. The Holy prophet ordered him to deliver a Valimah even with a lamb. There is no Islamic tradition that you need to make every one happy with your Valimah. It is not only an expression of pleasure it is a call to the society to tell that you have married such and such woman.

Iman

You are contradicting your whole point of view here. The Holy Profit has said in almost all books of Hadith that marriage completes one half of your Iman (faith). Then how can you claim that a marriage causes your faith to drop. In fact when you marry and live a simple family life, you not only fulfill orders of God but also live a life of Iman. As far as your concerns that in a married life rememberance of Allah will suffer greatly, it is not true. If it would be so the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and his companions would have never married. In fact Holy Muhammad (PBUH) married about eleven times and your Iman can’t be greater than any of the holy personalities.

Husbands are Replaceable

Not only husbands but also the wives are replaceable in Islamic family life. Islam demands a harmonious life from a husband and wife. Though divorce is disliked by the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) but it is not only permitted but even the details are given in Quran. Your wife has the same right of divorce is she does not like to live with you and replace you with another husband. She does not need even to prove you an adulterator to get a ‘Khula’ from you. When she does not like your face, it is a sufficient reason to get divorced. In my opinion the permission to get separation and remarriage is not only natural but also useful for any living society.


Your Problem

It is not a right place discuss your psychological problems. However, as it all relates to a married life and after affects so I shall take liberty. You have given details of your problem in your long contribution.

1- You married a woman who betrayed you.
2- You divorced her and since then living an alone life.
3- You have convinced your self that as your wife has betrayed you so sex is disgusting.
4- You still miss having a family. But continue to convince yourself that by not marrying you are saving your Iman (faith).
5- You want some one to convince you that if you remarry, you shall live a satisfied and happy life.

It is better for you to consult some psychologist. However, a Hadith rejects celibacy altogether.